Monday, March 24, 2014

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Tuesday, December 13, 2011

My Beloved Community.

      I just want to say adoption peeps are the best. So supportive, giving, and loving. Always looking for ways to help people who need it. Not just adopting children and then taking off, they work so hard to give back to the countries their children are from. Clean water, medical supplies, helping women to become self sufficient so they can take care of their children. I have met more inspirational people in the last eleven months than I have in my whole life. I am lucky to call them friends.
      We saw this love and support today when one adoptive mama lost her husband last night and the adoption community raised $10,000 in ONE DAY to help her with the rest of her adoption costs. Amazing.
     There is another mama who is about to go into court in Uganda and has sacrificed so much for her daughter. The adoption peeps have rallied around her and made sure she didn't feel alone. Sara- We are thinking of you tonight and praying for your Christmas miracle.
     I also see this in everyday things when everyone offers to take things to each others children, take pictures, bring over post placement reports, give each other info that might drastically affect their journey, post about each others struggles, and listen even when we whine a lot. They understand. They are there for the up and the downs.
I am so thankful to have you all as my friends. Thank you. <3

I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can.  I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live.  ~George Bernard Shaw

Monday, December 12, 2011

Court Date!

Court date on February 6th!!!  :)  
I will be leaving by January 28th-ish...  ;) 
I am so thankful that I will be with her for Valentine's Day!!!  
Now I just have to figure out how to come up with enough money to do this...  

Friday, December 9, 2011

quick vent session... I apologize in advance for the quick pity party.

9 or 10 THOUSAND dollars in 1 month.  How are we going to do this?  We not only have a little girl over there who needs us to figure this out, but I also have a family here who needs me to figure it out. The pressure....  People keep saying "take a break!"  "you need to relax for a few days!"  but how in the world can I take a break when we have so much to accomplish in so little time. My dogs spilled a whole cup of coffee on my computer that had EVERYTHING on it (my calendar, my files, my pictures etc) and I can't find the time or the money to get it fixed. I feel like I'm forgetting to do things daily because I had everything scheduled on there. This is costing my friends and family money and time and that is incredibly hard for me to feel okay with. My biggest fear is that we will have a court date to get her and not be able to because we won't be able to afford a plane ticket or hotel while we are there, leaving our little one sitting there without a family. I have to find a way to do this. There has to be some way...
     I am constantly feeling overwhelmed and exhausted and then forcing myself to be chipper and positive and not sound like a Negative-Nancy. I just dream about the day our little Baby Bee is here and my husband is here too. When I can breathe again. When I can just focus on my children for a night without worrying about this. 
     We have already paid $17,000 towards this adoption in the last 11 months and we still have so much more to go. That is just the bare minimum and only includes adoption costs, not what it costs to get her room ready, to buy diapers, formula, sippy cups, clothes, etc... I need to find a pediatrician and I also would love to talk to a nutritionist BEFORE I go so I know how to properly care for her. We can't afford this right now either. I know that all of you mamas who are adopting have similar struggles, so this is nothing new. ;)  I guess I just needed to vent this morning. 
You learn you can do your best even when it's hard, even when you're tired and maybe hurting a little bit.  It feels good to show some courage.  
~Joe Namath

Monday, December 5, 2011


     After almost a year of gathering documents we finally have completed our dossier. I often wondered if my friends really knew what I meant when I said "We have had to do A LOT of paperwork." I don't think I could truly describe the amount of papers and effort it took to get all of this together. Tonight, I went to the UPS store to send off my dossier to my agency. I walked in with a stack of papers and said "I have to send this."  The UPS guy said "Um that is not going to fit in an envelope... I'll find a box for it."  I knew that it wouldn't fit in an envelope, but it was still funny to see his surprise over this stack. He weighed it and it was almost 7 pounds!  Here are some pictures of my dossier. :)

My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. ~ Terri Guillemets

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving

     Happy Thanksgiving!  This year I realize how much I have to be thankful for. I have a super awesome husband, 3 (soon to be 4) wonderful children, an amazing sister, 4 wonderful Pandas, 2 brothers, a home, food, healthcare, and an amazing "village" who have shown me how much they believe in us and what we are doing. I don't think I have ever felt this supported in my entire life. I love that I will be able to tell Baby Bee how many people helped to bring her home. I truly could not do this without all of you. You are all giving me the gift of a new daughter and for that there are no words. I want you to know that I am so thankful for each and every one of you.

For flowers that bloom about our feet;
For tender grass, so fresh, so sweet;
For song of bird, and hum of bee;
For all things fair we hear or see,
Father in heaven, we thank Thee!
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

A fun morning phone call.

     As everyone knows, we are trying as hard as we possibly can to gather enough money to go to Uganda and bring back our darling Baby Bee. Nathan went to Japan earlier than most of his other peeps and as a result of that he got paid more for that month. He just called me and told me that the payment just went through and that he put $4000 into Baby Bee's account. Talk about a happy morning!  We are now only $9,000 away from bringing her home!!!  PRAYING for a Christmas miracle!  I really feel like I am watching a miracle in process. Today I am going to sit down and try to figure out a way to raise the other $9,000. We are lucky enough to be getting a grant from Salvation International that will be somewhere between $2,000 and $5,000. They are amazing people and we feel extremely blessed by their selflessness. We are not sure how much it will be so we have not counted that towards out total yet. If I can sell enough Scentsy between now and November 30th, I will hopefully be able to add anywhere between 500-1000 on December 10th when I get paid. I'm also making dolls and hoping that by selling those we will be able to add a bit more. Every little bit helps.
     Still working up the courage to ask for donations...  That is so much more difficult than it sounds.
I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday.  ~Author Unknown

Friday, November 18, 2011

Big fatty blog post... with a video... and lots of quotes at the end...

     A few weeks ago I felt like there was no way I would be able to continue with this adoption. I gave up, refunded donations and told people I was done. I was so heartbroken that night. I literally cried myself to sleep and woke up crying. My eyes were completely swollen and I was exhausted. I couldn't be at peace with the thought that, after everything I had worked so hard for, that this was how it was going to end.
     The reason I made that choice that night was for two reasons. The obvious one was that we simply did not have the money needed for all of the agency fees and the travel/ in country fees. We have switched agencies twice in this process, making this journey more expensive than we planned on. The other bigger reason I made that decision was because that sweet girl needed and deserved a family right away. If I couldn't come up with the money to get there, I had to make the right choice as a parent and back away so another family with the funds could step up, be her family and care for her in the way she needs to be cared for. When thinking of things as her parent, the choice seemed obvious. She needs to come first. Not me.
     The next morning after I had my coffee, I decided to check my email and I noticed that people were making donations. This was so amazing to me because 1- we rarely receive donations and 2- they were making donations AFTER I said I was done. I had people emailing and calling me begging me not to give up. There were 4 or 5 people that day who wrote to Ellen Degeneres asking for help, people reposting our info asking for help and a sweet friend who led us to a potential adoption grant.
    That day was so emotional for me. I was heartbroken by the thoughts of walking away from that sweet baby who felt so right as my child, but at the same time I was sobbing all day by the love and support of friends and even strangers. I couldn't believe that anyone even cared about my choice to walk away and even more than that, I couldn't believe that they were joining together to make it possible for us to make Baby Bee a part of our family. It makes me get teary just remembering that day.
     I was at rock bottom in adoption-land but by the end of the day I felt the smallest, teensiest, tiniest glimmer of hope. A friend said that sometimes things like this happen because God wants the opportunity to perform a miracle or get the glory. Up to this point it was all me. What I could do. I refused to ask for any donations because I didn't want people to be upset with me or feel like I shouldn't be adopting if I didn't have the full amount for the fees. I didn't want to be embarrassed by asking for money. Asking for money (or any help) is one of the hardest things for me to do. When I realized that I couldn't do this and I gave up, He showed up BIG time. I have no other explanation other than it was God performing a miracle. If you asked me if this was possible a few weeks ago, I would have said absolutely not. It doesn't make sense. How is it that so many people came together and restored so much hope and faith? In a few weeks we have saved and raised $6,296. We still have a really long way to go, but I am keeping the faith and my eyes on God. I'm getting out of the boat and attempting to walk on water...
     This is still incredibly scary for me. The potential heartbreak is terrifying. It's worth it to try. I am really trying to stay positive and happy, but honestly there are days that I fall apart thinking about the huge hill I still have to climb.
     We have had a wonderful organization called Salvation International decide to give us a grant that will be somewhere in the range of $500- $5000. I am so thankful for all of the hard work they have put in to help us. They are amazingly generous people and I will be spending my days after this is all over giving back to them and spreading the word.
     We have had donations ranging from one penny to $2,000. We have had people doing all of their Christmas shopping through our fundraisers.  I will be writing another blog post at another time specifically about all of the people who donated to us.
     We are nearing the end of the adoption process now. I am trying as hard as I can to save as much as I can. When I feel like giving up, I look that a picture of her sweet face and keep going.
     This is a video my sweet friend sent to me the first day and it put everything in perspective:
Faith is courage; it is creative while despair is always destructive.  ~David S. Muzzey
At the point where hope would otherwise become hopelessness, it becomes faith. 
~Robert Brault
Faith makes things possible, not easy.  ~Author Unknown
As your faith is strengthened you will find that there is no longer the need to have a sense of control, that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your great delight and benefit.  ~Emmanuel
Faith can move mountains, but don't be surprised if God hands you a shovel.  ~Author Unknown
Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.  
~Martin Luther King, Jr.
Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death.  ~Author Unknown